Ahh, Friday...
Thanks for all the positive feedback on the blog, makes a gal feel special! I just have to comment, completely out of left field...
Has anyone else ever seen the commercial for lotto 649 with the couple hiking through the jungle on their own private island?
I find it funny, they forgot to show the giant insects and the Cockatoo just goes 'chirp'...so cute. Not real, but cute.
Just thought I would mention that.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
xo
J
Friday 27 January 2012
Thursday 26 January 2012
Jenn, quit your complaining.
I am humbled tonight. I cannot imagine leaving my children so soon. I do not know this woman personally, but I cannot stop thinking of her. Her name is Jackie, and she has terminal breast cancer. She also has 2 little boys, who she will have to leave here, much too soon. God, please be with her, and her family. Bring them peace, and surround them with your light and love.
thank you,
Jenn.
thank you,
Jenn.
Tuesday 24 January 2012
Anxiety, actually
As I sit here in our warm livingroom with my little girl watching Yo Gabba Gabba, I am thinking back to when my husband and I were married. Not sure why, but I figured I wasn't the only one who does this from time to time. Remember when all there was was you and him? Possibly a pet or 2? Enter reality....
The first step for me was marriage. I always wanted to get married before I had kids, and as luck would have it, that happened. I married my best friend in May 27, 2007.
I suffer from Debilitating anxiety, and have for most of my life I am quite sure. That being said, my memories of the wedding are few, and mostly stressful. I did most of the legwork for the entire thing, short of renting the tuxes, and setting up the hall the night before, so it was incredibly hard for me to enjoy ANY of the day that was supposed to be the best day of my life. It was a beautiful time, and we all came together so well, and had sooo much fun, I just wish I could have loosened up a bit...
I have been receiving treatment for anxiety for the past 3 years, and frankly have never felt better! I want to have a wedding eventually, to renew our vows maybe, and actually live every second the way it is supposed to be lived. That was my main thing, I was never EVER able to live in the moment, no matter how hard I tried. Especially with stressful events, I think my mind went into survival mode, and just made me block out all feeling. Whatever had happened usually hit me a few months down the road...fun times!
It feels so nice to be able to feel! But I digress...
I guess the reason I am writing this, is the fairy tale that most of us are sold about life after marriage, and that your life will resemble a magazine when you have kids, is such bullshit. There, I said it, bull shit! The one article that I read that made me want to vomit was Jennifer Lopez's after her twins were born. She looked like a supermodel' and her kids (both 8 weeks old) were in a suit and a ballgown. @#4! And all the rambling on about how her life was complete and her babies were perfect made me want to gouge her eyes out. I wondered how many nannies she had at her beck and call 24 hours a day to look after her kids, so that she could get her beauty sleep. The heart and soul that moms put into every second they are with their kids, just seemed so far away from her. The babies just seemed like accessories. I found myself (and even do now)very very bitter. As a first time mom at that point, I felt lied to and that parents had essentially kept me in the dark about all that parenting and being a mom actually entailed. The 24 hours a day 365 rest of your life change. I went into motherhood kicking and screaming.
I have never sugar coated anything from my friends, nor will I ever. Being a mom to a little life is just too important to not try to prepare for the shitty parts too.
I can't even remember where I was going with all of this...
I guess I have just been thinking lately on how life has changed since my kids came on the scene. It takes a while to settle into this whole mom thing...I am comfy now. Coffee helps...hee. As well as a sense of humor. And wine, and....
Not to say I still don't have the occasional urge to run away to some obscure place and live in a beach hut under an assumed name for the rest of my life, it feels way better to know that I am not the only one who has felt this way before!
Accepting is a hard thing to do too.
Accepting that the people I love have faults, as I have faults, and loving them for who they are instead of being pissed off that they aren't who I think they ought to be. Doing that makes me feel better. It's kind of a way to just let go. To let go of expectations, and just take things as they come.
wow, that was a lot of rambling...I'm done now. It feels better for my gemini mind to just verbally vomit and get it out!
Hope you all have a fantastic week, and that it stops raining before I go crazy.
xo
J
The first step for me was marriage. I always wanted to get married before I had kids, and as luck would have it, that happened. I married my best friend in May 27, 2007.
I suffer from Debilitating anxiety, and have for most of my life I am quite sure. That being said, my memories of the wedding are few, and mostly stressful. I did most of the legwork for the entire thing, short of renting the tuxes, and setting up the hall the night before, so it was incredibly hard for me to enjoy ANY of the day that was supposed to be the best day of my life. It was a beautiful time, and we all came together so well, and had sooo much fun, I just wish I could have loosened up a bit...
I have been receiving treatment for anxiety for the past 3 years, and frankly have never felt better! I want to have a wedding eventually, to renew our vows maybe, and actually live every second the way it is supposed to be lived. That was my main thing, I was never EVER able to live in the moment, no matter how hard I tried. Especially with stressful events, I think my mind went into survival mode, and just made me block out all feeling. Whatever had happened usually hit me a few months down the road...fun times!
It feels so nice to be able to feel! But I digress...
I guess the reason I am writing this, is the fairy tale that most of us are sold about life after marriage, and that your life will resemble a magazine when you have kids, is such bullshit. There, I said it, bull shit! The one article that I read that made me want to vomit was Jennifer Lopez's after her twins were born. She looked like a supermodel' and her kids (both 8 weeks old) were in a suit and a ballgown. @#4! And all the rambling on about how her life was complete and her babies were perfect made me want to gouge her eyes out. I wondered how many nannies she had at her beck and call 24 hours a day to look after her kids, so that she could get her beauty sleep. The heart and soul that moms put into every second they are with their kids, just seemed so far away from her. The babies just seemed like accessories. I found myself (and even do now)very very bitter. As a first time mom at that point, I felt lied to and that parents had essentially kept me in the dark about all that parenting and being a mom actually entailed. The 24 hours a day 365 rest of your life change. I went into motherhood kicking and screaming.
I have never sugar coated anything from my friends, nor will I ever. Being a mom to a little life is just too important to not try to prepare for the shitty parts too.
I can't even remember where I was going with all of this...
I guess I have just been thinking lately on how life has changed since my kids came on the scene. It takes a while to settle into this whole mom thing...I am comfy now. Coffee helps...hee. As well as a sense of humor. And wine, and....
Not to say I still don't have the occasional urge to run away to some obscure place and live in a beach hut under an assumed name for the rest of my life, it feels way better to know that I am not the only one who has felt this way before!
Accepting is a hard thing to do too.
Accepting that the people I love have faults, as I have faults, and loving them for who they are instead of being pissed off that they aren't who I think they ought to be. Doing that makes me feel better. It's kind of a way to just let go. To let go of expectations, and just take things as they come.
wow, that was a lot of rambling...I'm done now. It feels better for my gemini mind to just verbally vomit and get it out!
Hope you all have a fantastic week, and that it stops raining before I go crazy.
xo
J
Friday 6 January 2012
Backwards day
It seemed to me that yesterday was backwards day in the world, and I didn't get the memo...
Went to the ped's with #2, to get results of her abd. U/S, done new years eve. It was done to rule out pyloric stenosis, as she has had a rough go with her tummy since day 1. Anyways, it is winter...I saw 3, count them 3, cars with their tops down...crazy people everywhere, either self-induced or not. On the bus on the way home, I had to stand just inside with the strolleras the bus was packed. Once I was safely aboard with my 3.5 month old daughter, I realized quickly the young lady sitting next to the stroller was completely whacked on something and began sputtering death threats about my child. I kept calm, made eye contact with a fairly large gentleman next to her, and wtched her closely. I would have seriously f#@&ed her up if she had made a move towards my baby. The adrenaline was instant! Mama bear mode! Anyways, just thought I'd share that.
the ultrasound was normal, by the way.
Yey!
peace,
J
Went to the ped's with #2, to get results of her abd. U/S, done new years eve. It was done to rule out pyloric stenosis, as she has had a rough go with her tummy since day 1. Anyways, it is winter...I saw 3, count them 3, cars with their tops down...crazy people everywhere, either self-induced or not. On the bus on the way home, I had to stand just inside with the strolleras the bus was packed. Once I was safely aboard with my 3.5 month old daughter, I realized quickly the young lady sitting next to the stroller was completely whacked on something and began sputtering death threats about my child. I kept calm, made eye contact with a fairly large gentleman next to her, and wtched her closely. I would have seriously f#@&ed her up if she had made a move towards my baby. The adrenaline was instant! Mama bear mode! Anyways, just thought I'd share that.
the ultrasound was normal, by the way.
Yey!
peace,
J
Wednesday 4 January 2012
January 4th, 2012
Hello world.
Today I would like to ask anyone out there with small children, what,if any, punnishment they give, and is effective. It seems what I am doing is not working. I hate the term punnishment, I would prefer, discipline, but the way things go around here, it ends up being punnishment for us both. You see, I am not a believer in spanking, or corporal punishment of any kind, but I have spanked merely out of frustration before, and I would like to know how to teach my 3 year old respect rather than fear.
Fear does work...
I guess fear doesn't have to be complete terror, but you know what I mean.
I have seen situations where children have become completely out of control due to lack of consistency/ respect for rules, and do not want this for my kids.
It's hard to be a hard-ass when it's your own kids!
And, it's still PISSING...ahh, BC.
Peace and love,
J
Today I would like to ask anyone out there with small children, what,if any, punnishment they give, and is effective. It seems what I am doing is not working. I hate the term punnishment, I would prefer, discipline, but the way things go around here, it ends up being punnishment for us both. You see, I am not a believer in spanking, or corporal punishment of any kind, but I have spanked merely out of frustration before, and I would like to know how to teach my 3 year old respect rather than fear.
Fear does work...
I guess fear doesn't have to be complete terror, but you know what I mean.
I have seen situations where children have become completely out of control due to lack of consistency/ respect for rules, and do not want this for my kids.
It's hard to be a hard-ass when it's your own kids!
And, it's still PISSING...ahh, BC.
Peace and love,
J
Tuesday 3 January 2012
My first blog
Hello Blogging world!
I am a blogging virgin, well, I guess I was, now!
My name is Jenn, I am 30-ish, and currently on maternity leave after giving birth to my second child. I am Married to the love of my life, whom I have been with for 10 years.
I am a Gemini, which predisposes me to be a good communicator, the trouble is, having a stimulating conversation with a 3 year old, or her 3 month old baby sister just doesn't cut it. That being said, My three year old is more intelligent than most college educated adults that I know. Her vocabulary floors me every day, in good and bad ways!
It is January 3rd, 2012 today. Our family had a fairly good Holiday season, dispite the untimely loss of my father-in-law 3 days before Christmas. He was a great man, and will be missed by all who knew him.
I decided to begin blogging as an outlet for the yammerings I spew out on a daily basis. It can be difficult for my husband to keep up, as my thoughts skip from thing to thing so quickly, another gemini thing I guess.
It is currently PISSING rain, as it often does in our province, and the mild melancholy feeling that accompanies the weeks after the holidays has taken over. Its really amazing how the happiness and positivity of the holidays can just be gone so fast after the dates pass. Oh well, onward and upward I guess! I have big hopes for this coming year, including finally getting my driver's license, as I am a chickenshit and haven't gotten it yet. That is the first goal. #1, numero uno.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Later.
J
I am a blogging virgin, well, I guess I was, now!
My name is Jenn, I am 30-ish, and currently on maternity leave after giving birth to my second child. I am Married to the love of my life, whom I have been with for 10 years.
I am a Gemini, which predisposes me to be a good communicator, the trouble is, having a stimulating conversation with a 3 year old, or her 3 month old baby sister just doesn't cut it. That being said, My three year old is more intelligent than most college educated adults that I know. Her vocabulary floors me every day, in good and bad ways!
It is January 3rd, 2012 today. Our family had a fairly good Holiday season, dispite the untimely loss of my father-in-law 3 days before Christmas. He was a great man, and will be missed by all who knew him.
I decided to begin blogging as an outlet for the yammerings I spew out on a daily basis. It can be difficult for my husband to keep up, as my thoughts skip from thing to thing so quickly, another gemini thing I guess.
It is currently PISSING rain, as it often does in our province, and the mild melancholy feeling that accompanies the weeks after the holidays has taken over. Its really amazing how the happiness and positivity of the holidays can just be gone so fast after the dates pass. Oh well, onward and upward I guess! I have big hopes for this coming year, including finally getting my driver's license, as I am a chickenshit and haven't gotten it yet. That is the first goal. #1, numero uno.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Later.
J
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